Aviation Quotes,
Ideas & Other Truisms
The
strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your
coffee.
---
Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel
The three
worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second
officer says, "Damn it!"
The first
officer says, "I have an idea!"
The
captain says, "Hey, watch this!"
"In
the
--- Kurt Wien
"Both
optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the
airplane, the pessimist the parachute."
--- George
Bernard Shaw
"The
scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely
of lost airline luggage."
--- Mark
Russell
When asked
why he was referred to as 'Ace': "Because during World War Two, I was
responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were
enemy."
- Captain
Ray Lancaster, USAF.
If
helicopters are so safe, how come there are no
vintage/classic helicopter Fly-Ins?
---Anonymous
Death is
just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
---
Anonymous
"I
never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair probability that the
bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part."
--- Lt.
Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR.
"When
it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots
like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a
two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is
zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of
course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the
envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage
gets canceled, too."
---
Admiral Rick Hunter,
"It
only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure."
--- Dick Markgraf
"I've
flown every seat on this airplane, but can someone tell me why the other two
are always occupied by idiots?"
--- Don
Taylor
As a new
copilot on a bomber I was told to say these three things and to otherwise keep
my mouth shut and not touch anything:
Clear on
the right.
Outer
(marker) on the double (indicator)
I'll eat
the chicken. (Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid
possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).
As an
aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as
it's right... And we'll let you know if it's
right after you get down.
You can't
fly forever without getting killed.
As a pilot
only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:
One day
you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an
airplane.
One day
you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an
airplane.
Any flight
over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal
engine noises and vibrations.
There are
Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know
better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made by the
Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never
suspend the Laws.
More about Rules:
The rules
are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to
execute it.
If you deviate
from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If
you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
The pilot
is the highest form of life on earth.
The ideal
pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
About Check Rides:
The only
real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of
your airplane.
It has
never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinees couldn't care less
what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.
The job of
the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on
the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that
their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.
It is
absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very
predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be
unpredictable.
He who
demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands
one iota more is a fool.
It is
solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his
aircraft.
If you can
learn how to fly as a 2nd Lt and not forget how to fly by the time you're a
Major. you will have lived a happy life.
One of the
most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those
things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.
At the end
of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather
guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let
them!
Remember
that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes
the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
Remember when
flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but
hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".
Mastering
the prohibited maneuvers in the NATOPS Manual is one of the best forms of
aviation life insurance you can get.
A tactic
done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
The
aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that
particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no
G-limits.
One of the
beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social
experience.
If a
mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot,
she had better teach him to put things back where he got them.
The
ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless
millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward ...and wish.
Pilot Talk
Though I
Fly Through the
You've
never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F.Crickmore -test pilot)
There are
more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
From an
old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism
If the
wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and
therefore, unsafe.
Navy
carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.
When one
engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get
you to the scene of the crash.
Without
ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
What is the
similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up,
the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
Never
trade luck for skill.
Weather
forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
Airspeed,
altitude, and brains.
Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
A smooth
landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is
prevarication.
Mankind
has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
Flashlights
are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing
dead batteries.
Flying the
airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground
incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.
When a
flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
Just
remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny
day.
Advice
given to RAF pilots during WW II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the
softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
The Piper
Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
(Attributed
to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
A pilot
who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride,
astronaut)
If you're
faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
(Bob
Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
If an
airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
(Ernest K.
Gann, author &aviator)
Never fly
in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
There is
no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign
over Squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
1970).
"Now
I know what a dog feels like watching TV."
(A
DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an
A-320).
If
something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
Basic Flying Rules:
Try to
stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the
air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and
interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
Items No Good In Aviation:
Altitude
above you.
Runway
behind you.
Fuel
in the truck.
A
navigator.
Half
a second ago.
Approach
plates in the car.
The
airspeed you don't have.
Flying is
not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
Flying is
the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one
who still is.
A good
simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
Trust your
captain.... But keep your seat belt securely fastened.
An
airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.
Good
judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
The nicer
an airplane looks, the better it flies.
It's a
good landing if you can still get the doors open.
The
only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once
was a captain.
Be nice to
your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
Any pilot
who does not privately consider himself the best in the game is in the wrong
game.
It's best
to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
Any
attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
A thunderstorm
is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
It's easy
to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and
his money is soon flying more airplane than he can
handle.
A
thunderstorm is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
The last
thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up
landing is to put the gear selection lever in the 'down' position.
Remember
that you're always a student in an airplane. Keep looking around; there's
always something you've missed.
Try to
keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
Takeoffs
are optional. Landings are mandatory.
You cannot
propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
Aviationisms
Truly
superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those
situations where they might have to use their superior skills.
Rule one:
No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.
Forget all
that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because
of money.
It's
better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you
were down here.
An
airplane will probably fly a little bit over gross but it sure won't fly
without fuel.
Think ahead
of your airplane.
I'd rather
be lucky than good.
The
propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool.
Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
If you're
ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see
the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn them back off.
A check
ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting
but still be long enough to cover
everything.
Speed is
life; altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
Always
remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let
an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
Don't drop
the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.
An
airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.
Cessna
pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
If you
push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the
stick back they get smaller.
Hovering
is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
The only
time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Flying is
the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!
Every one already
knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away.
But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you
can use the airplane again the same day.
The
probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
IFR: I
Follow Roads.
You know
you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
I had a
fighter pilot's breakfast - two aspirin, a cup of coffee and a
puke.
Those who
hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles
by day.
A smooth
touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
A
helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and
reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in
motion.
Helicopters
can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
Learn from
the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them
yourself.
Pilots
believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty glass.
Fly the
plane until the rudder hits the cockpit.